the fear of the dearth of time

Saturday, February 11, 2017

As we grow older, i think we lose time to introspect. Thus it gets harder and harder to make sense of life.

As kids, we live it, and when we've lived life, we develop the ability to think about it, while living it. Young Adults. Its such a funny word. Young, but not adult yet an adult. I think what differs here is that in youth, we just go and do. But as adults, our thinking abilities have taken over our desire to do. So as young adults, we're stuck in this transitional phase of leading our bodies, soul, heart and mind on this journey where we must decide to either give in to the loss of time, or let these entities handle things accordingly.


As a dentist, they tell us that whatever we learn in the first few weeks of every clinical specialty, we will continue using our lives, so we use these training/residency years to build up our reflexes. Today i was doing a procedure where one of the fingers of my left hand was in a weird position. Midway of the procedure, my finger couldn't come back to its original position. It took five seconds to come back to its original position. I think this is how our responses to reality work too. If we respond to something peculiar and strange, or something we've never experienced before, our responses will be undecided. So our reflexes to uncertainty will spark at that moment.

Having the ability to introspect over these reflexes in the initial stages of life is very important. That particular time is now, the young adult phase. We have to condition our body, our reflexes, to handle life just like a finger's joints. If they're bent the wrong way, they'll stay there for long, so much that they might not even come back.

Which is why i'm scared.

Because handling the dearth of time as we grow up is confusing me. Introspection is decreasing, and thoughtless living is going on. I think this is one of those instincts one should work on. Handling the loss of time.

Ha! I say loss of time as if the number of seconds, hours and days decrease as we grow old. Its just that adulting is hard. And i'm struggling with it. Reflexes. Lets focus on those. Lets not panic. Lets think in the time spent on panicking instead. Of course we should panic, we have the right. But panicking and anxiety damage our immediate memories, and our reflexes are so dependent on that
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I really do hope that with time, i can analyze the priority of events going on in my life as to what benefits developing my instincts. Because I really do believe time is the most important resource in our lives. And i don't wanna lose that. And if i lose time, i lose myself...

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