Notes to self

I have been feeling lazy lately. I think the weight of the unknown future is too heavy than knowing what the present can do to make it better. The future, and the uncertainty of our ambitions coming to fruition that comes along with these dark thoughts is overwhelming. Maybe that's why they're dark thoughts, the future is indiscernible.


The shadows these thought cast on the present make me feel weak. As if like a dark, cursed mist, they seep into the house we call our bubble, and dissolve into the air. We breathe them in, and that just sets this whole chain reaction of self doubt, self hate and self sabotaging behavior into motion.

I don't know how much more I will have to study. I just got done. Now I have to go again. But I also know that having that knowledge is what will help me navigate through the darkness.

I guess it's never really goes away - the darkness. So our only hope is to keep finding the light within us, and outside of us, and carry it with ourselves. I don't think the goal should ever be to beat the darkness. I think the goal is always finding the light within. That's what makes the struggle worthwhile.