Wishes/Aspirations As A Content Creator

I often find myself questioning my place on the internet. I have been blogging for almost a decade now, and my publishing history expands almost a dozen years. Thats half of my life that I have been putting my life, my emotions and my experiences out into the world in written form. In 2018, after having graduated from dental school is when I discovered YouTube. Granted it was primarily for work reasons but YouTubing is something i have been toying with the idea of since then.

I know my niche will always be small since I'm not a very palatable person. I mean, I am right now watching Harry Styles' SNL performance and wondering how and when will I be able to incorporate hot pink into my wardrobe with it being accepting by the people around me. I mean, I don't take my online following for granted. I have an amazing support system online where my followers respond to my musings. But it has started to take a toll on me.

I think I am failing to distinguish between being a creative and a content creator at the same time since most of my content has always been creative. Which is why my blog and space isn't easily sold. I do have good relationships with brands, but I often find myself wondering how can I go beyond that. I have a lot to achieve. I am just 25 years old. Am I being too hard on myself? Is it too late to be a YouTuber now, at my age? idk. I guess I can only find out if I go on to it.

But right now my struggle is with dedicating my time to my personal life. I find myself using social media as a means to escape from it. Which I think has been extremely unhealthy for my mental health. I have been ditching therapy for long now. I would like to go back to that, I think. To even think of my blog as a theraputic outlet is taking away the purpose of blogging.

I want to evolve as an artist too, you know. Collage art is really interesting a medium. But I want more. So I think staying away from social media would do my creative evolution some good. Although, I think my poetry has been getting stronger and stronger by the day. Which I am really happy about. Umair bhaijan said that I shouldn't talk about my book deal if i'm not gonna take it. Which he is right about. It just validates my craft, y'know? So I like feeling like something is going right in my life.

Coming back to creating content, and figuring out my post grad education at the same time. I would like to start using Instagram as a diary, I suppose. Once a week. Twitter is vitriol. I need to stay away from it. Really. As much as I love expressing myself, I think my soul has gotten too used to being fed all the anger off of twitter and I need to limit its use to just publicizing myself, I think. Pinterest, I have a feeling, is going to be my new instagram cuz its just plain, clean inspo. Thats it. Tumblr, my baby, for those aesthetic sad emo boy vibes I sometimes seem to channel. But I also think that carrying a book with me at all times would enable me to be more creative? I might be wrong. Lets see. And if I do choose to youtube, then I guess I would like to limit my videos to 3 minutes. And sort of have a succinct approach.

Life doesn't remain the same. I think I am having a hard time letting expressing myself the same old way go. I am not a teenager anymore. My wishes seem to think I am, though. I wish I could age creatively too. I will need to think more. Which makes me wonder, how much more can I think? haha