writing for the self
I have published a lot of my work this year. And a lot of it has been blog related or articles for newspapers and magazines. If I combine the hours I've spent writing this year, they go above 200. And all this time writing, i realized something. I have written only 30% of that for myself.
I know, the blog is for myself too, and that I have written a lot of my published articles that were about my own experiences. I got published in so many major publications of the region, GQ being one, but there's this lack of self expression that I find I have lost somewhere in the monotony of it all. Sure, some would say my coverage of fashion week was something they've never seen before, or the way I have interviewed celebrities (yet to be published) are very different from what others write, but I also think that this desire to be different will somehow leave me wordless, and with empty pages.
I love to write and I write almost daily, but there is so much I think about. And I always think I need to post more essays, which I don't even write. It's like the pressure of showing the word what I am going to write somehow gets in the way of expression. And I think that having written for the world for so long, I have lost my voice and I need to rediscover it.
I started with poetry. Shifted to writing in a journal style. Then I got introduced to the genre of non-fiction and am trying my hands at that since over two years. Along with fashion blogging.
As I have started writing more about fashion and made a name as one of the top fashion bloggers of the region, I have faced a lot of criticism. That this is not what my work used to be. And that I am deceiving myself. But in these three years of mine as a fashion blogger in Pakistan I have learned to love more of the human parts of me, and the human parts of people than I would've been able to do had I been a regular diarist. I would still think of myself as one, but i document my fashion thoughts here too.
Fashion will always be something that inspires me. And I am thankful to God for having given me a chance to see the world through a lens that's real, and while it seems extremely superficial to the world, has great depth with an insight into the human nature no other interaction would provide me. Probably because everything is as it is in the fashion world. Bad is bad and good, well, is good.
People think the real world is tough. Wait till you become a part of the industry where everything changes in seconds and you find yourself lost in the "real word" because you weren't able to keep up. It is as much about authenticity as it is about plagiarism. It is as much about fake kisses as it is about the real embroidery. Sure, people might be skin deep here, but there is not depth besides this. Or maybe I'm just romanticizing.
I have the tendency to over think.
Which is why I am here.
It's a vicious world, nonetheless. Very competitive. Makes you up your game. Makes you challenge your beliefs. Sanity.
I want to write for myself. I want to write what I like. And I want to change things. I want to read more. Explore more.
I just hope I can do it.
I know, the blog is for myself too, and that I have written a lot of my published articles that were about my own experiences. I got published in so many major publications of the region, GQ being one, but there's this lack of self expression that I find I have lost somewhere in the monotony of it all. Sure, some would say my coverage of fashion week was something they've never seen before, or the way I have interviewed celebrities (yet to be published) are very different from what others write, but I also think that this desire to be different will somehow leave me wordless, and with empty pages.
I love to write and I write almost daily, but there is so much I think about. And I always think I need to post more essays, which I don't even write. It's like the pressure of showing the word what I am going to write somehow gets in the way of expression. And I think that having written for the world for so long, I have lost my voice and I need to rediscover it.
I started with poetry. Shifted to writing in a journal style. Then I got introduced to the genre of non-fiction and am trying my hands at that since over two years. Along with fashion blogging.
As I have started writing more about fashion and made a name as one of the top fashion bloggers of the region, I have faced a lot of criticism. That this is not what my work used to be. And that I am deceiving myself. But in these three years of mine as a fashion blogger in Pakistan I have learned to love more of the human parts of me, and the human parts of people than I would've been able to do had I been a regular diarist. I would still think of myself as one, but i document my fashion thoughts here too.
Fashion will always be something that inspires me. And I am thankful to God for having given me a chance to see the world through a lens that's real, and while it seems extremely superficial to the world, has great depth with an insight into the human nature no other interaction would provide me. Probably because everything is as it is in the fashion world. Bad is bad and good, well, is good.
People think the real world is tough. Wait till you become a part of the industry where everything changes in seconds and you find yourself lost in the "real word" because you weren't able to keep up. It is as much about authenticity as it is about plagiarism. It is as much about fake kisses as it is about the real embroidery. Sure, people might be skin deep here, but there is not depth besides this. Or maybe I'm just romanticizing.
I have the tendency to over think.
Which is why I am here.
It's a vicious world, nonetheless. Very competitive. Makes you up your game. Makes you challenge your beliefs. Sanity.
I want to write for myself. I want to write what I like. And I want to change things. I want to read more. Explore more.
I just hope I can do it.
_______________End of Rant________________